Have you experienced a loss in the last year or two, and are still are having a hard time feeling happy or even grateful? Wondering how you are going to get through the holidays because you just don’t feel like celebrating? The holidays are hard for a lot of different reasons, but being with people who are happy and excited about the holidays might be something you are not sure you want to participate in this year. You might even think, “why should I grateful when I have lost so much?”
Thanksgiving can be stressful for people who have lost a loved one, since the holidays may evoke feelings of sorrow, anger, and loss. When gathered around the Thanksgiving table, it’s evident we have lost someone and the role they played in our family, be it a mother, father, spouse, or child.
So what can we do to help the people we love that are grieving the loss of their loved one? First of all, be gentle with those that are grieving. Everyone grieves differently and being there for them is one of the best things you can do. On Thanksgiving, consider acknowledging the loss of the of the loved one when saying grace before the meal, recite a poem in remembrance, cook a favorite dish, or place a picture of the deceased person on the table. Ask family members to share their favorite stories or memories of their loved one. You’ll be surprised, sometimes those stories lead to laughter and joy.
If having the “traditional” Thanksgiving dinner is just too much for you to bear, do something different. Go out to a restaurant or a friend’s house. Consider volunteering at a shelter, soup kitchen, hospital, nursing home, or even at an animal shelter. Not sure you want to do that? Make a donation to one of those places in your loved one’s name.
Be kind to yourself. Remember you are adjusting to a “new life” without your loved one, which includes adjusting to the holiday season. Acknowledge the fact that this year, normal traditions will be different and you will need to decide which ones to keep, change, or eliminate. Accept your feelings. You might be angry your loved one is gone, feel guilty they are not here to enjoy the holidays, or just feel lonely and sad. Plan ahead and anticipate there might be triggers that cause sadness. Know your physical and emotional limitations and accept support from others. Surround yourself with comforting people that will help you through this “new world” without your loved one.
Keep in mind, we don’t need to choose between grief and gratitude during the Thanksgiving holiday. We can grieve the loss of our loved one AND be thankful for God and the blessings in our life. Grief is an individual journey and there is no time limit or set course. There will be good days and bad days. There will be times when you think you are getting better, then all of a sudden (maybe even a year or two after losing your loved one), you backslide and feel sad or teary again. We need to be patient with ourselves.
On November 24, 2024, Sunday, from 1:00pm-3:00pm in the Social Hall, Therese of Lisieux will host a grief workshop called, “Hope for the Holidays” facilitated by Heidi Boccomino, LMSW and St. Therese of Lisieux Health Ministry Member. We hope you will join us for a healing experience.
Please RSVP to the Parish Office at 586-254-4433 or Marilyn Cito, the Parish Nurse at 586-254-4433 Ext. 320 or via email at Marilync@stol.church.
References: Harold W. Vick Funeral Home, Growth Engine, 2022.
