Partly because my mother was the oldest of ten, and partly because our home had a basement sizable enough for large gatherings, my parents often hosted major family events, including holiday dinners, birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, graduations, and more. My mother was a perfectionist, so most of the events were near perfect. However, when I host a gathering of family or friends, I often find myself so distracted by the details of hospitality (such as appetizers, dinner, drinks, and setup) that I fail to focus on my guests, which is the heart of true hospitality. Wanting things to be “perfect” can prevent me from forming deeper connections with my guests, meaning I need to better balance service and presence in offering hospitality.
This Sunday’s Gospel passage from Luke is the familiar story in which Martha and Mary welcome their friend, Jesus, into their home. Martha is distracted by the many tasks of preparing a meal and serving Jesus, while Mary sits at His feet, engaging in conversation with Him. Martha is upset and asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her. However, Jesus replies that Mary has chosen the “better part.”
We often contrast Martha and Mary, seeing Martha as the person of action and Mary as “contemplative.” However, they are sisters. In scripture, sisters complement each other and stand side-by-side. We are not called to be one or the other, but rather to be both, and we need to balance the two.
Each of our parishes strives to offer an overabundance of hospitality to our parishioners and those who come to us. To achieve this goal, we must focus on our guests and establish relationships with them, as Abraham does in our first reading (Genesis 18:1-10a). When engaging with guests, we must set aside all distractions (like cell phones!) and give guests our full attention. As the saying goes, people will not remember what we say or what we wear as much as how we made them feel.
Part of Martha’s problem was that she had lost her grounding in God and prayer; Mary was grounded. We need that “grounding” in order to be less anxious about the details of hospitality and more attentive to our guests. At St. Isidore, we have developed three “pillars” of our parish: connect with God, reach others, and build community—one where people feel that they belong, in addition to feeling welcomed. Following these pillars can help us offer overabundant hospitality and make our guests feel important and at home.
